While dumb hot hoes like Megan Fox, Olivia Wilde, Blake Lively, and Eva Mendes (who was only pregnant for like 30 seconds before she popped out her second kid) are wasting my time with their boring, attractive pregnancies, live Barbie doll/the Marilyn Monroe of our generation, Courtney Stodden, has begun to grow Hollywood’s newest Messiah in her pristine, silicone injected womb.
Right off the bat I have a lot of feelings: joy over the fact that my sweet Earth angel is brining another beautiful treasure into this world. Confusion over the fact that the man I assume to be Jonbenet Ramsey’s true killer (aka Doug Hutchinson) is able to produce children. More confusion since I didn’t believe this was a couple that actually had sex. Understanding, because I realized this probably isn’t Doug’s baby and will potentially turn out biracial. And, finally, fear, because part of me thinks this might be a not-all-that elaborate hoax for publicity that will soon be met with a tragic miscarriage thus garnering more publicity. And by publicity I mean coverage by just myself and UsWeekly.
Speaking of UsWeekly, it was them that Courtney went ahead and told about her pregnancy, saying:
It’s a bittersweet time for me right now. I’m dealing with a lot of stress and emotions surrounding life and its ups and downs. Doug and I weren’t planning on going public with this so soon. I’m only four weeks along in my pregnancy. But some things are out of your control.
Courtney’s statement brings up many feelings for me, like most things involving Courtney do. First of all, I’m really getting this impression that this might be a publicity stunt that will DEFINITELY end in a publicity stunt miscarriage because who the fuck announces they’re pregnant to UsWeekly when they’re only four weeks pregnant unless they’re a Kardashian trying to take the heat off of one of their family members for some dumbass scandal they’re gotten themselves into? I mean, remember when Kourtney announced her pregnancy to UsWeekly when she was only 9 weeks along RIGHT after Kim filed for divorce from Kris Humphries after 72 days? MmHmm. Second, if you weren’t planning on announcing it yet then why did you? Who on this Earth is out to leak hot Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson pregnancy news other than me? Literally no one, so I’m having a bit of trouble buying her entire statement.
If Courtney Stodden IS pregnant than this is the greatest gift she could have ever given to the planet, and yes, I have seen her award-winning music videos. If this is a hoax, I still love her, because bitches need to make those sweet UsWeekly dollars.
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