Well, she’s gone and done it. Blac Chyna aka Angela White aka soon-to-be Angela Kardashian, has fully infiltrated enemy territory and planted her big, latex, golden booty flag in the ground. Yesterday, Chyna and Rob Kardashian took to Instagram (of course they did) to post an emoji (of course they did) of a pregnant Chyna as their way of announcing a new baby Kardashian is on the way (of course it is).
Somewhere in Calabasas Kris Jenner is having a total mental breakdown because she can’t decide whether or not this is amazing news because it’s another kid she can pimp out and makes tons of money off of, or terrible news because now Kardashian/Jenner enemy #1, Blac Chyna, is officially a member of the family they can’t just rid of like they did old Kylie. What a tangled web they weave.
I mean, myself and every other trashy blogger under the sun predicted this poor child ages ago, so I can’t say this is shocking news. I say poor child lightly; not poor in the sense that those Kardashians got some serious dolla billz, but poor in the way that this little baby is about to be born into the biggest Hollywood shit show of ALL TIME.
E! has definitely already ordered a “Keeping up with the Kardashians Special: Chyna’s Baby Shower” and they will 100% give Khloe too much vodka at said event and shit is going to get messy.
Call me cynical, but Blac Chyna is a fame whore, Patron Saint of Petty hood rat. I’m sorry, but she is. And Rob Kardashian is sick of being neglected by his family just because he wouldn’t go in on their Brazilian butt lift groupon or let Rita Ora keep cheating on him just so he could maintain his hot, famous piece. And Kris Jenner is an evil mastermind who believes that nothing comes before her family…except money…and fame…and publicity. So I kind of think that everything, right down to this child’s conception, is sort of like…made for tv. This could literally be the year we see the very first made for tv baby, like Truman from “The Truman Show.” Created for Instagram and reality television and raised to serve plot points and conflicts, leading to another 10 seasons up KUWTK and a dozen more spin-offs: Blac and Rob take Miami; Three’s Company: Chyna, Tyga and Kylie; Cousin or Brother: Inside the Kardashian Kompound; Kim and Chy take Brazil (for more butt lifts); Keeping up with the Kardashians: The Next Generation, Starring Mason, P, North, Reign, Saint, Crown (what I imagine Chyna would name her daughter, I mean, she does have a son named King), and LaTivianna (Kylie’s daughter with Tyga, who obviously gets a racially appropriated name).
I mean, as entertaining as I find this whole thing, I feel like there is no fucking way this is real life. This whole Rob and Chyna thing is about as believable as a Jamaican bob sled team at the winter Olympics and let me just tell you, “Cool Runnings” was NOT based on a true story.*
As of right now, no Kardashians or Jenners have commented on the pregnancy announcement, which is no surprise since they didn’t comment on the engagement either. So, you know, we’ll see what happens, but Kylie DID like Rob’s emjoi announcement pic so maybe it’s all good?
*actually it loosely was, but I still think everything going on with the Kardashians is just for publicity, they just take their fame really fucking seriously and take things really far.
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